Kaye Lani Rae Rafko, R.N. lived a fast-paced life after graduating from nursing school in 1985. And then she reached for the accelerator and floored it when being named Miss America in 1988 and has not slowed down a bit since.

A decade later Kaye Lani’s life is more fulfilled, meaningful and accelerated as a young mother balancing her commitment to husband, son and daughter and extended family with her life’s vocation of being an advocate for nursing, hospice, and volunteerism.

The strength of her character and beliefs guaranteed that as 1988 Miss America, Kaye Lani Rae Rafko would not in any way be typical. First, she was the first and only professional nurse to be named Miss America. Second, she is credited by the pageant organization as being one of three key players who changed the image of Miss America. And, third, she is recognized as using her reign to single-handedly bring about an end to a national nursing shortage.

Since then life certainly has not become less hectic for Kaye Lani as she advances hospice care as an alternative to physician-assisted suicide, promotes AIDS awareness and encourages volunteers to reach out and touch people in their world.  But, most of all, Kaye Lani is driven by her love of nursing to champion the cause of nursing anytime and everywhere the opportunity exists. 

Well .... almost. Kaye Lani applies the brakes to this accelerated life style to drive son Nicholas Paul to a ball game or join him on a school field trip or take daughter Alana Rae, to a ballet lesson. Kaye Lani applies the brakes for a date with husband Chuck, to shop with her mother, or take her dad to a doctor’s appointment. She slows the pace to attend a nephew or niece’s birthday party, talk with a sister, and attend extended family gatherings. And Kaye Lani comes to a screeching halt during scheduled quiet times to meditate and reflect.

“Within minutes of being crowned Miss America, you do this press conference in a huge room filled with hundreds of reporters from all over the country,” says Kaye Lani. “From that moment on, you spend the next year travelling and speaking to different groups booked by the pageant organization ... car shows for Chevy, food conventions for Pillsbury, autograph signings at grocery stores for Gillette, hospitals, schools, and fund raising for scholarships for local and state pageants.

“The nursing profession usually goes through shortages every decade. In 1985 there was a tremendous drop in nursing baccalaureate graduates. There were just not enough nurses graduating with a BS in nursing. There were major nursing shortages at hospitals so that entire units would shut down. Facilities like nursing homes and rehab centers shut down.  The shortage really hit hard in 1987 when I was in Atlantic City.”

Kaye Lani had graduated from St. Vincent Medical Center School of Nursing in Toledo, Ohio, with an RN diploma in 1985. She worked midnights as a staff nurse in a unit with cancer and blood disorder patients. She won Miss Michigan and practiced nursing the entire time until she went to the national pageant.

“Then the requests and demands on my time came. I wanted to be a positive speaker for nurses and for hospice care, at a time when people were first becoming aware of hospice. All of a sudden, I had a platform and so I shared with everyone why nursing was so important to me. As Miss America, I could become almost anything I wanted and I was staying with nursing. It was said that I single-handedly turned around that nursing shortage.”

Kaye Lani now hits the speaker’s circuit to share the message that for patients and their families nursing is the lifeline of the health care system. “I miss working on the floor as a nurse but I have the best of both worlds—I can motivate my peers and still sit at bedsides in hospice.”

In promoting hospice, Kaye Lani has become an outspoken critic of physician assisted suicide in a state where Dr. Jack Kevorkian made the practice controversial, where Kevorkian’s attorney is now running for governor, and where a proposal to legalize assisted suicide will be placed before voters.

“I do not believe assisted suicide provides an answer for any terminal illness.  Hospice is the answer. When we legalize assisted suicide we take the time of death out of the Lord’s hand and we open Pandora’s Box. This is not about an individual’s right to die—it is about doctors and family members making the decision, not the patient. Kevorkian takes dying persons down a dark path and is taking advantage of people who feel helpless.”

“To the dying, I say give us in hospice the time, and help us work with you and keep you alert so you have quality time to enjoy family. When it’s your turn to die, we’ll be there and we will still be there a year later to help your family.”

Helping the dying, and helping the living, is what drives Kaye Lani to be a volunteer herself and to encourage others to become or remain volunteers. Kaye Lani has spent hours as a volunteer for the American Cancer Society, American Red Cross, the Crop Walk for her church, Diabetes Association, American Lung Association, Make a Wish Foundation, breast cancer awareness, school health fairs, as a volunteer reader, and for the We Care program at St. Michael’s Church in Monroe, Michigan, which raises money to pay health bills for people whose medical expenses exceed health insurance limits.

Then when her brother Nick was killed in a car accident four years ago, Kaye Lani organized a fund-raising golf outing in Nick’s memory. A committee of one, Kaye Lani arranges for the golf outing and dinner, sells tickets, plans the event, and sends out 150 thank you notes to all participants.

How does Kaye Lani meet the demands of her public life while remaining committed to her family and faith? Anyone would ask that question but only Kay Lani Rae Rafko knows what it takes.

“Sure, it’s a struggle constantly for me, just as most women struggle today. But somehow you find the energy to keep going. I learn to prioritize. I am a wife and mother first and foremost. It is very important to me to maintain my home and provide for my children. Family events are important. Charles and I are close to both sides of our family. My whole life is centered on being a mom and wife and on my extended family.”

“The second priority is my hospice work. I’m a volunteer for Hospice of Monroe and saw it become a reality a little more than ten years ago. There’s been a lot of changes in community awareness of hospice, a lot of money raised, a lot of hard work in hospice education, and those precious times at bedside in the hospice.”

“My third priority is nursing. I am thrilled when I can talk to a room full of nurses and re-energize them to keep doing the great work they do, and stay with it through the tough times.  I am just an average young woman who used Miss America as a launching pad and work hard to make sure people know I’m approachable. People stop me at the mall to talk about their grandmother or uncle who was just diagnosed with cancer.”

Beyond prioritizing and juggling, Kaye Lani makes sure she finds time to be alone. “I read meditations or cross-stitch in the middle of the night or watch videos like “Touched By An Angel.”  You need to fill yourself up again. You have to fill the cup.

“This is true for everyone. You can’t give, give, give to others unless you give back to yourself. Quiet times are a necessity because you cannot automatically replenish yourself.”

And Kaye Lani successfully balances and juggles commitments by maintaining perspective on her roles. “I have taken very seriously my role as a young mother and former Miss America. Wherever I am I conduct myself in a manner that my family and I will be proud of. Sometimes people don’t think about that.

“I may be speaking at a school and afterwards go out to dinner with my husband at a family restaurant. I won’t order alcohol with my meal in case a student walks in with their family. Adults need to be leaders and role models to young people. As a celebrity mom, I want my children to be proud of who I am and what I’ve done and who I continue to be throughout my life.”

Kaye Lani was in Fremont, Ohio, speaking at a school to encourage students to reach their goals, be the best they can, and to make the right choices as leaders. During the session, a reporter in front of the students asked Kaye Lani what she thought about President Clinton.

“I answered that it was disheartening for me to look at a leader who couldn’t make the sacrifice needed to continue being a role model. I told the students that each of us is a role model and the President didn’t take that seriously enough.  I met Bill Clinton when he was governor and again as President. The Clintons are wonderful people, and so it is very disheartening.”

Back home in Monroe, Kaye Lani finds that quiet time again after the 11 o’clock news.  Tonight, as she meditates, in her mind Kaye Lani visualizes the smile of a nurse rejuvenated by something she said, the smile of a hospice patient ready to die, the smile of a volunteer who just walked five miles for the heart association.  And as she reflects, her cup is filled as she visualizes the smiles at the supper table of Nicholas Paul, Alana Rae and Chuck.

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About the Author

Scott Lorenz is President of Westwind Communications, a public relations and marketing firm based in Plymouth, Michigan. His ability to obtain positive media exposure for his clients make him sought out by a wide variety of businesses and individuals. Lorenz's current and past client list includes the Oakland Athletic Club in Birmingham, TV's Mr. Wizard, Kaye Lani Rae Rafko, Green Valley Villas in Shanghai, China, The Windsor Laser Eye Institute, SolidSpeed Networks, and GroceryStreet.com. Contact him by phone at 734-667-2090 or email: scottlorenz@mediaone.net or visit www.westwindcos.com